Socially Distanced

Welcome back folks.  I hope all of you are still keeping healthy.  Myself,  J and the two hairy reprobates seem to have adjusted to life under lockdown and have lapsed into a relaxed daily routine.  Life nowadays seems to revolve around waiting for deliveries – whether it’s groceries, Lego, dog food, gardening ‘stuff’; virtually anything you can have dropped off at the house.  As far as today’s blog post goes I had been going to write about last year’s solitary hill adventure but other “stuff” got in the way.  Such as…

The Black Spot
A week or so ago I was delivered what is for all very late middle aged people the modern equivalent of the “black spot” (just thought I’d drop in a bit of R.L. Stevenson literary stuff). It defines that dreaded change of temporal status that comes to us all. Yes…I was invited to claim my State Pension. As of July sometime I will be, officially, an O.A.P. That news…and having to hide from Covid-19 all in the same month…isn’t 2020 jolly good fun.

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The postman delivers the bad news.
Oh Dear, Mr. President

As the Coronavirus lockdown debacle continues I have taken to watching the daily Trump message to the unfortunate people of America. Never have I felt more sorry for another country. The Donald should take lessons from my 20 month old granddaughter who, even at this young age, can deliver a far clearer, and decidedly more succinct, message. Precise statements such as “Mummy – remote – ‘Waffle Doggie’ – telly” and “No – mummy! Lie down” carry far greater impact and gravitas than anything the current occupant of the Oval Office has to offer. You really need to set aside your somewhat limited supply of adjectives Mr. President. Maybe stick to nouns and verbs!
In a recent broadcast covering a new anti-drug cartel initiative I couldn’t help but notice he was flanked by a number of his security administration to whom the phrase ‘social distancing’ had yet to be fully explained. Then, as the briefing continued I wondered if I had accidentally tuned into North Korean state television such was the overwhelming din of sycophantic bleating coming from his team of advisors. I suppose we just do things differently on this side of the Big Puddle. Talking of things being different; why was his face more orange than that of everybody else on the podium? I spent a good 30 minutes battling with the colour controls on the TV thinking I had a fault.

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Definitely more orange…
Batching my own Bacterial Nightmare

On another matter entirely I have recently discovered an oddity in relation to the Coronavirus era shopping habits of the occupants of our housing estate. Why, for example, is there an impressive assortment of bread, rolls and bakery products available on the shelves of our little Sainsbury’s…and bugger all flour, sugar and yeast? One thing I know for certain…I have never had so much as a sniff of freshly baking bread as I take the dogs out around the estate…so what the hell are they doing with all those ingredients. Not to be defeated in my bread making quest I am now brewing up a sourdough starter that will conjure up some wild yeast out of thin air. I have the mix festering developing in a large jar behind me as I write. Hmm…I wonder what it actually develops into?

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The wild yeast starter. It will no doubt develop into the bloody furious yeast starter in a few days and envelop most of the house!
Anybody Seen a Big Wall Lying About?

For those who were anticipating some hillwalking experiences here is an extract from a short hill adventure I undertook last spring. Well, it would have been an extract had I actually written any more than this…but never mind I’m sure I’ll get around to it sometime.

I met a fellow walker as I strolled along the unmistakeable mound and ditch structure of the Antonine Wall. “Do you know where the Wall is?” he asked. “I’ve been walking for ages and haven’t seen anything like it yet.” I could feel my head slowly sink in utter despair. What, in heaven’s name, had he expected to see? Something akin to the Great Wall of China carrying a large billboard on its north side displaying the public service warning “P**s off you Picts!”?

I pointed behind him (back the way he had just come). “Ah…” he said and carefully avoiding eye contact hurried on.

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Can anybody see what might be construed as a ditch…thought so.

And finally; for those of you feel the need to get on your feet and exercise I’ll leave you with the excellent Mr. Motivator.

That’s all for now folks…stay safe and happy lockdown!