Did you know that…
….every puppy comes with a voucher entitling the proud new owner to a minimum of two weeks in Purgatory! This voucher cannot be redeemed for alternative goods or services nor is it transferable. This is a bit of a bugger.
I am slowly recovering from a nightmare of a fortnight. Firstly, there was the seemingly endless mopping up of puppy wee as young Mabel endeavoured to discover the correct location of the toilet. It took some time for her to discover that facilities had been provided outdoors for this purpose, although I expect she would claim that her less than bright owners should have thought about leaving the odd door open now and again. As if that wasn’t bad enough the best part of most nights were spent dozing on the sofa as a consequence of the howling, from the depths of the puppy crate, increasing steadily in volume from midnight onwards.
To reduce the sense of despair associated with the initial stages of puppy training you should start from the premise that puppies are clever…and owners are thick. For example it took me two weeks to understand that Mabel didn’t necessarily want to be up most of the night…she just wanted to have a poo and get back into her crate and go back to sleep. In fact if I had been quicker on the uptake, and understood that I was required to escort her outdoors at 11.30pm, I would then have been spared all the nocturnal shenanigans and be permitted to sleep until at least 7am. Puppies must be in constant awe of the incredible stupidity displayed by their owners.
Not only are they far cleverer than their owners they grow at a phenomenal rate. Mabel put on 2 kg in 2 weeks! You may be interested to know that she consumed a 4kg bag of dog food in the same period. Simple arithmetic tells us that puppies poo at a rate of 1kg/week. Bet you didn’t know that!
Both the pup and I have been confined to barracks for the past two and a half weeks. She had her final parvovirus injection on Monday which means that come Monday next we will be able to go out for walks…at last! Which brings us to a wee problem we need to sort out and can only do so during a visit to the nearest wood.
One disturbing characteristic demonstrated by our Mabel is her peculiar high pitched growl. Now, I’m not saying the breeder has been trying to put one over on us but, the last time I heard this sound it was coming from the mouth of a black bear cub. I accept that, at this stage of development, you could be forgiven for mixing up the two however once we can escape the confines of the house on Monday it will be straight to the nearest tree for young Mabel and me. If, when pushed against the trunk she falls…then she’s a Labrador, if she sticks…then she’s a bear. There…that should clear up that particular conundrum!